Talking your kids dating after divorce


10-Jul-2015 20:47

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Instead, model for them what it looks like to approach a relationship in a mature manner: slowly and with respect and restraint. Many kids are not thrilled to have a new leading man waltzing into their house and changing up the family dynamic.

That's a lesson that will serve them well in many ways. While you can't order them to like your new boyfriend, you can insist that they treat him with respect while everyone works through the transition.

But if they tell you he is an attention hog or that you really don't need a boyfriend, anyway, because you have them, that's a different story. From their standpoint, there's a big gross out factor when it comes to the idea of their mom being all starry-eyed over some guy and doing all of those things that go along with dating.

Complaints of that nature indicate that their objections aren't based on anything specific to him; but rather they dislike the idea of your having any boyfriend at all. And what kid wouldn't get his back up over some new guy cutting in on the time and attention they get from their mom?

You remember the living hell that your divorce was.

And if you really work at it, you can even vaguely remember how you were once head-over-heals in love with your ex.

Then, if you end up breaking up sooner rather than later that sets them up for a loss that was totally avoidable.

It won't take long for the kids to figure out that you really aren't who you pretended to be, and they will then conclude that you were using them to get in good with their dad.

At that point you will have your first obstacle to overcome -- one that is completely your fault.

But because you are a responsible grown-up, you know that would be a really stupid thing to do.

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After all, you've worked hard to get to where you are today.

If, on the other hand, they end up not liking him, then your boyfriend can become a wedge between you and your kids, and that creates tension for everyone.