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"It started with my parents' divorce, the pressure I put on myself after the `96 Olympics, not dealing with puberty.
Her body's changes made her slower in the water and she lost races, generating whispers on the pool deck and the horrible feeling that she was letting people down.
They began a volatile relationship that lasted through the 2004 Athens Olympics.
Beard writes how the couple had "loud screaming mean fights" and she started cutting herself to escape the pain. "I was trying to figure out how to live in a bad relationship." Beard's star eventually eclipsed Neethling's, something she said he couldn't accept even though she was supporting him financially after turning pro.
She writes that their yearlong relationship was mostly one-way, with Beard following him from track to track and Edwards paying little attention to anything in her life.
"I don't know if I'll hear from them," Beard said about her famous exes.She was still cutting herself and the unhappiness that Beard had pushed deep inside frequently surfaced in fits of smashing dishes and expensive sunglasses around their house.